Online Dating: Podcast #23

Heels and flops, nights in and nights out, pina coladas and getting caught in the rain – carpe diem, this is the world of online dating, where cliches abound and bounders gather.

Addicted to Expectation


I dated a girl. She was very close to the ideal for me. At the beginning, she even said that if ever I felt it wasn’t working, I must say so, and we could figure it out – split – amicably. Respectfully.

When I told her that it wasn’t working for me, there was month of silence-filled conversations and tears enough to un-drought California.

Her expectation for the relationship and me was, sadly, misplaced. Expectation and imagination overwhelmed reality.

We love to expect, and when expectation is either disappointed or gratified, we want to be again expecting.

Samuel Johnson

All Sales are Final. Thank You.

The dating model we’re used to is a form of marketing pitch. Sales, really, because as loveable as we all are, we’re pitching what we have, not what we think the market wants.

It’s an interesting point worth contemplating at some point, just how much we modify who we are so as to appear more appealing to our target market. If indeed we do define the type of mate we’re after, how much of ourselves can we tweak to gain their attention?

But that’s for another time. A salesperson has a product, in this case themselves.  He or she wants an opportunity to present that product, and for you to consider that product. That’s really the deal. Based on what the prospect sees and hears, they’ll either say yes, no, or opt for the free trial.

Disappointment is practically built in.  A sales approach by definition can only provide an outline, the broadest of overviews. If you believe, like I do, that attraction lies in the smallest points of magnetism, fighting your way through the billboard and mailer approach mitigates against actually finding decent coupling possibilities.


Research and Relationships: Podcast #22

Breathless media releases notwithstanding, I wonder about the value of relationship studies and research. They might be extremely valuable to you, and not at all to me. Knowing the difference makes, well, a difference. Here are some thoughts about how to figure your place on the Coupling Plane, and how to build your Coupling Architecture.

Sex Sells

Seeking Approval

…or so the aphorism goes. The advertising business loves nothing more than shorthand ways to get to your credit card.

Want to emulate sports stars? Here’s what you wear.

Need to feel powerful? Sit in first class.

Squirrely in the trouser? Watch this girl ogle your car while she dreams of oral.

Sex isn’t what sells; what sells is approval. When a man buys a car, he isn’t actually thinking of the sex. Sure, in the cloud computer of his brain it’s there somewhere. But the tangible reaction he wants to that shiny new BMW is more subtle, along the lines of…

…wow, nice car.

…gee, I like this color.

…great, the mirror on this side shows all my zits. God, where did they come from?

At which point he will inevitably ask:

So, you like it?

Translation: Do you like like me? There’s a possibility here?

In a male’s mind, a date who likes the car is on the road to sex, because even BMW owners aren’t dumb enough to think she’s gonna get down right in the parking lot.