Being single can become a habit.
Your view of yourself will gain a certain solid feel if you don’t take time to examine it. For example, I was at coffee this morning. A (male, married) companion asked me if I was interested in finding someone. He’s not one for indirectness.
As a bloke, it’s almost required to answer this with:
“Well, of course. Any filly who crosses my path and looks interesting is fair game!” etc etc.
But that’s a cliché. At fifty-two, with a more than full-time job and lots of plans afoot, the more honest answer is:
“Well, yes. But at the moment I don’t want the obligation, and I don’t have the energy. Meeting someone new, discovering if we’re a fit, and being mindful of them requires a LOT of energy. Which I currently don’t have. For dating, that is.”
Which makes me think that I really am in the habit of being single. Re-prioritization is in order.
The average person averages 140 toothbrushes during their lifetime.
The average person takes seven minutes to fall asleep.
The average person has 1,460 dreams per year.
I’d like to know how many times the average person falls in love.
I asked a friend for criticism of…well, of me. (Although I did use a proxy so she could be direct without being personal.)
What she said took a while to sink in, but it’s a useful thought: We like storytellers. It seems that our brains feed on a cogent narrative and – importantly – enjoy an element of the unexpected.
Create the unexpected within the boundaries of a well-told adventure.
That sounds like a way to live a life to me, not to mention making yourself of interest to others.
Dating is about selling yourself.
Dating is about a pitch to a stranger – most likely – without knowing anything about them.
Dating is nuts.
But here’s the thing; we really do not have a better way. Yes, in some cultures the arrangement of marriage exists. Sure, if you’re the member of a royal family in 1760 your marriage might be arranged. Quiet possibly you might restrict yourself to relationships with specific familiar groups. (Looking at you Hollywood.)
For the rest of us to get what we want, we advertise, market, provide incentives, have specials, give loyalty cards and even discount ourselves.
Like I said, dating is nuts.
Kiss & Blog first started with an idea my friend Amy had back in 2005. Blogs were new. We spent much of our time together noodling around and talking about dating and finding the right person, so combining the two made sense.
Astonishing to me now is how long ago that is; we are coming up on ten years since that beginning. Frankly, I wasn’t good, but Amy was. She had a way of slicing to the meat of her posts that made her better reading, and gained her a bigger following.
And a following we gathered. Partly because we were an interesting chorus in a universe of similarity, daters found us. That’s the upside of early adoption.
Time has moved on. You’ll see that the blog is a WordPress site now – yay! – and that we’re self-hosted. Most important is my focus. Being 52 and unmarried puts one in a different dating pool than being 42. I can hardly believe it myself, but that’s the opportunity – if I’m having trouble figuring out how to think about being a dater at my age, others are too.