Communication is the challenge of dating and the fun of coupling. Understanding what the heck we’re saying might not be as clear-cut as we think.
Can words be sex specific?
By that I mean are there examples of words used more by women than men, and vice versa?
Take two related concepts: closeness and intimacy.
They’re female, right? They speak of a frame of mind that is, generally, not male. Males understand the concept; that’s not the point. The question is one of priority.
Of such subtleties is understanding obtained.
Fear of the unknown knows no fear like that men feel about female reproduction. Lady parts and their associated…temperament modifications are like the de-militarized zone between North and South Korea. In both cases there is a line beyond which both parties dare not step, and yet the fascination with what might happen if someone does persists.
My analysis is that guys don’t like exploring the egg and its nest phenomenon because it’s hidden. An element of magic, something beyond the corporeal creates a mystique about the internals therein. We don’t like messing with unpredictable stuff like that.
Men, I propose a different attitude. Ask questions. Seek information. Be upfront. Say things like:
Hortense, I hear that you become much hornier when you are ovulating; True or False?
Can you really tell when your eggs are fertilized?
Gosh, how does it feel after your period?
Women love this kind of enquiry, because it offers a chance to tell you how they feel. Always a slightly amorphous ingredient, an open discussion about her bod can lead somewhere. Somewhere…interesting.
You probably aren’t as single as you might think. The old definition of single as “not married” is too broad, too vague, too binary and too shallow for my liking. In any case, being romantically uncoupled allows for some introspection as to why.
What exactly does it mean, to “…have a sense of humor”?
I see this requirement pop up a lot in online profiles, so women generally think a talent for making them laugh important. (Men might equally seek funny ladies, but I wouldn’t know because reading male profiles is overwhelmingly embarrassing. No.)
We can all stipulate that a way with words (or actions, now I think about it) that rouses a laugh in others is a valuable skill. I would say that it is a very valuable skill, which brings me back to the original question: Just what is humor, and why does it help any kind of relationship?
For the most part, I see male humor divided along two lines. There are guys who follow dog-humor, which focuses on the scatalogical side; toilet stuff, sex shockers, the bawdy, working blue. Quick gags. You get the picture, the outrageous “joke” for the quick laugh.
At the other end of the spectrum we see the cat-humorists. These guys are more verbal, arch and subtle; they’ll use word-play, and work for the line that makes the audience feel like they’re smart, having connected the dots.
Drawing a sight on where you sit in these stakes should be fairly easy…as easy as choosing between cats and dogs. I’d bet that on any first date, you can tell which kind of laughs that date will provide. Hiding your humor is impossible, and in any case no-one wants to.
The value of finding laughs is pretty clear, right? First there is the outright good of laughter, an unalloyed life pleasure. The second is the way that humor has of aligning our perspective, to take away the directionality that bogs us down. It widens our vision, and gives us the freedom to look away from problems for a while.
Humor is where you find it, but if you don’t find it in the individual with whom you might couple, think about living with Carrot Top for the rest of your life.