Podcast #89 Do Our Priors Doom Us?

Unless you’re a unicorn and find yourself coupling perfectly, forever, with your first date, you have a relationships history. As we explore ourselves and our meshing skills, some people say we accumulate baggage; others call it experience. Or character. Let’s go with that.

Here’s how Kregg and I look at this murky business.

None So Blind

Famous people wriggle their way into our consciousness. Take this Tiger Woods person, an allegedly skilled golfist.

Sidebar: Let’s get this straight. He is a grown male whose centi-millionaire status derives from using sticks to hit a small ball into a hole. Yeah, this is an example we can emulate.

End sidebar.

Mr Woods’ wife and mother of his two small children divorced him sometime within the last few years. Throughout his marriage he undertook sexual assignations with women not his wife, both away from and at home. Famously – even I know this – he had sex with a waitress who worked his local breakfast joint, right under his wife’s nose.

We need not resort to amateur psychology here; he figured he could indulge any of his sexual whims at any time. This is not “sexual addiction”. This is lack of character. It is also a life lived without self control.

Then along comes another woman, Miss Vonn. She sees something in Mr Woods, and takes up with him. Does she:

a) Think he was wrongfully accused of being a cheat?

b) Believe his character is improved after his divorce?

c) Consider herself better able to keep his attention?

d) Blinded by fame, money and attention?

e) All of the above?

No-one but Miss Vonn can answer these questions, but one thing for certain is that she figured she was different from all the other women. Exceptional. Special. Able to make Mr Woods a better man. She was the one to tame him.

Once a man of bad character, always a man of bad character. No-one can change that but the dude.

Character: Podcast #15

This week Kregg and I examine the necessity for examining character. Is there such a thing as partial good character? Why does character matter? How can we discern good character from the not so good?

Check out the podcast and let us know what you think.


Breaking Up

The whole concept is preposterous.

Look for someone. Find someone. Click with someone. Connect with someone. Swoon with someone. Decide about someone. Commit to someone. Remain with someone.

Try selling that to a bunch of venture capitalists and they’d laugh you right out of the elevator. Between floors.

And yet this remains our model. Against all the odds, most of us still want to find and stay with one right person. Is this nuts or what?

It’s only nuts if we don’t occasionally reflect on it. For instance, consider the character of the one you fancy. Character is important because the person you couple with today will change. They – like you, by the way – will find new interests, discover talents, take on projects. Time mellows people, or it fires them up, or it makes them philosophical or funny. People do not stop changing. The adorable one you fell for yesterday will be different next year.

But character by definition is solid. If your beloved has good character, they will remain fundamentally good, no matter how their periphery shifts. Relationships built on respect, admiration and delight in someone with a decent core are more likely to last.

No guarantees, but it’s as good as you’ll get. In my opinion.

*Picture of Mr and Mrs White from AMC’s Breaking Bad.