Single at Christmas

It’s Christmas, and I am single. Oh well.

The Good:

~ Chinese food for lunch

~ no arguments with a sig oth over…well, anything

~ House of Cards binge. Again.

~ going out spontaneously or staying in spontaneously

~ the possibility of manipulating my “orphan” status into some snogging

~ time to polish my online dating resume, or even begin one 😉

~ finishing my year-long battle with a bio of Geo Washington

The Bad:

~ no Christmas morning sex (more than likely)

~ being an “orphan” people like to have around to defuse family disagreements

~ turning down these social invitations b/c of your “orphan” status

~ Christmas music

~ no-one to make me cups of tea whilst binge watching Breaking Bad. Again.

The Ugly:

~ falling for the “everyone has someone but me” syndrome

The Mysterious:

~ will this be my last Christmas alone?

The Weird:

~ why does everyone hate fruit cake?

Would You Date You?

Along with my second half-century maturity (!) came a little insight.

It arrived in the mail along with my application to join some kind of “Seniors” organization. Bah humbug.

The insight should have occurred to me long ago, but youth has blindness to such matters – species continuation relies upon ego and lack of self-assessment.

Anyway. The point I’m circling is best defined with the following question:

Would I date me?         (If I were a woman, that is.)

Accommodating Another

Let’s see now, I haven’t had a girlfriend in close to seven years. That’s a LONG TIME. Being without a special lady companion for that long is a result of having to cleaning up my own self-exploding personal mess.

Cleaning up personal messes takes time and energy. Sometimes in life one needs to focus – and I mean really narrow down one’s day-to-day being – on one or a couple of specific acts. And so it has been.

Now that doesn’t necessarily preclude you from maintaining a dating life, but it does for me. When I need to work at something as important as rescuing my life, I have no other way than to devote everything to the cause. The flip-side of such intensity is that there’s no room left for another.

Dating well requires time and energy. If there’s no surplus in the tank, you might as well not. You do yourself no favors by half-heartedly going about the business of exploring others; that’s been my attitude and of course everyone’s different.

My apprehension is that whilst I’ve been attending to other matters, I might have met someone really special and turned her away from simple inattention.

Accommodating other people requires spare mental and emotional capacity. Only you know if you have the ability.

Face It.

Arggggh. This has taken me two years – okay, more like three – to accept, but I am now in my fifties.

Fifties! I mean, hell, man! My father was fifty once, but me? No. Just…no!

Now that’s over, we should take stock. Yes, dating at fifty and over will be different. There’s the trail of events we all leave in our wake. We are more experienced. We might even have scars both obvious and hidden.

Just as important now as it was when we were fifteen is the innate feeling that every new person holds the possibility of discovery. This one might just be the X on the treasure map.

Ah, the thrill of uncovering the trunk full of wonder. That’s the driver we never lose, no matter how old we find ourselves.

Are You Interested?

Being single can become a habit.

Your view of yourself will gain a certain solid feel if you don’t take time to examine it. For example, I was at coffee this morning. A (male, married) companion asked me if I was interested in finding someone. He’s not one for indirectness.

As a bloke, it’s almost required to answer this with:

“Well, of course. Any filly who crosses my path and looks interesting is fair game!” etc etc.

But that’s a cliché. At fifty-two, with a more than full-time job and lots of plans afoot, the more honest answer is:

“Well, yes. But at the moment I don’t want the obligation, and I don’t have the energy. Meeting someone new, discovering if we’re a fit, and being mindful of them requires a LOT of energy. Which I currently don’t have. For dating, that is.”

Which makes me think that I really am in the habit of being single. Re-prioritization is in order.