We have a few different expressions for it:
+ going steady
+ exclusively going out with
+ she’s my girlfriend
All of these are round-about ways of telling the world something about our monogamy…something that doesn’t exist? From the Urban Dictionary:
“…when you are in a non-commit(ted) relationship, but are both still there until the next best thing comes along…”
Maturity and/or age don’t change our thinking about this. We like to hold on to the person currently closest to our ideal, even as we are alert for other, shall we say, opportunities.
We want what we have, and don’t want anyone else to have it, but we also want the option to bug-out, even as we don’t want to be bugged-out on. Make no mistake: this is a convoluted construct only the human brain could invent.
Which brings us to the heart of the dilemma; marriage is the only real commitment. Outside of that, do we have the right or ability to prevent a person we like or love from seeing other people?
A perennial source of friction in relationships is Couples Expectation Syndrome.
Couples Expectation Syndrome is the discord felt in a marriage when one side thinks being married requires specific behavior in the spouse. An example is when wives (and it is overwhelmingly wives) expect husbands to do whatever the wife wants to do. The justification goes alone the lines of:
“Well, I thought we could go antiquing and then take tea at that cute place with the cottage-y decor.”
Of course, that’s fine if he is happy doing those activities, at that time. However, when his pattern would usually be for a game of squash or mowing the lawn at that time, changing his schedule unilaterally is disrespectful.
The expectation of sig. oths. acceding to your wish without the courtesy of asking them is a sure-fire way to create distance.
Husbands. They are not another limb.
My wise and considered friends made a good point last night: that for people to get know us, we need to show ourselves in different lights.
Some people only see us at work, or at the gym or at specific social events. Although it sounds obvious, dating (or even pre-dating, whatever we call that) rewards us when we vary the venue and the activity.
I, for example, tend to play a given role at some social events. That part of me might or might not be attractive to any ladies I meet there. Changing the context – the company, the purpose, etc – allows me to show a different side. My guess is that you are the same.
What people see in us is beyond our control. Giving them a selection from which to choose is not.
From the ‘This Cannot Be Me Department’ comes the news that this Christmas positive pregnancy tests are for sale on Craigslist for $20. To give leverage to ladies with a recalcitrant man you understand.
In the circumstances, being over 50 makes this so much more unlikely. That and a vasectomy.
Wanna lock down that man? Safe link.
It’s Christmas, and I am single. Oh well.
~ Chinese food for lunch
~ no arguments with a sig oth over…well, anything
~ House of Cards binge. Again.
~ going out spontaneously or staying in spontaneously
~ the possibility of manipulating my “orphan” status into some snogging
~ time to polish my online dating resume, or even begin one 😉
~ finishing my year-long battle with a bio of Geo Washington
~ no Christmas morning sex (more than likely)
~ being an “orphan” people like to have around to defuse family disagreements
~ turning down these social invitations b/c of your “orphan” status
~ Christmas music
~ no-one to make me cups of tea whilst binge watching Breaking Bad. Again.
~ falling for the “everyone has someone but me” syndrome
~ will this be my last Christmas alone?
~ why does everyone hate fruit cake?