Here’s the difference: When a guy says he’s thinking about nothing in particular, he is likely telling the truth. We spend a variable but oftentimes large amount of our time mentally lying on the couch; floating, if you will, around our headspace.
When a woman says she has nothing on her mind, she’s probably not being quite so honest. Even whilst idling ladies are thinking about something. Frankly I cannot tell you what, because when I ask female friends about this, they become evasive. If I were in a closer relationship with these women, I imagine they’d be more forthcoming. Being a non-partner and a male, they are more reticent to let me in.
Men who want accord in their relationships with women learn to cajole information from their partners. It takes time and trust. She needs to feel, well, like she’s being taken seriously.
Awareness of the fact of women’s mental restlessness and their need for security is a good start to finding a communications harmony.
Eons of evolution and countless generations bring us to modern man. Me.
Modern man has a few software macros that operate all the time in the background while we go about our daily business. These are the base animal skills, the flight or flight instinct, the stuff of survival. Controlling them would be the same as attempting to control an ostrich; there is no point because you cannot.
One of these background routines is the woman detector. The woman detector is a visual program wherein every women who comes into view is assessed, judged, compared and categorized. She is assessed first for shape and size, then clothing and appearance, and then for availability. Almost instantly we determine if she is of interest or not, and whether she’s worth a second look.
That’s it. Men are walking, talking, driving Woman Scanners. The scanner at the supermarket scans for barcodes. We scan for hips, legs, breasts, waist, face, hair, shoes, skirts, makeup, jewelry, tattoos, piercings and a wedding band. So powerful is the instinct to scope out the lady population, I will detour while driving to cruise through the court/legal district, because that’s where the best-dressed woman are found.
All this for absolutely no payoff, other than the pleasure of filling our heads with possibility.
About being a man: the thrill of discovery fades a little over time, but not much.
When you’re a teenager and first slipping your hands under blouses, everything is unfamiliar.
Now, the expectancy is tempered by experience; you know what you’re about to get.
However, a new woman rejuvenates the explorer’s wanderlust, adding to the thrill and thereby amping up the experience to near-teenage levels. Role-play can have the same effect.
Time spent understanding men – if you’re a woman – or women – if you’re a man – is part of being human. We are different, and difference piques our interest.
* Why is the female orgasm such an elusive (some might say slippery) catch?
* What’s with guys leaving (or sleeping) immediately after sex?
* Who the heck understands why one-night-stands so often remain one night affairs?
Although I have spent a great deal of time contemplating and writing about motives and proclivities, almost everything about women is a mystery to me. Inquiry is good, but I have learned that in some respects answers are best left un-found.
Answers are an end point. If we don’t have answers, we’ll keep coming back to the questions, and my suspicion is that nature intends it that way. In other words, sex and relationships are by design always about the road to discovery, not the destination. We need to keep coming back to each other.
So I believe that while a measure of clarity about ourselves and our partners creates a good foundation, not knowing is a part of the deal too. Loving your lack of understanding might be the best part of being with someone.
From up here high on middle age I see two vistas, one on either side of the mountain.
To the left is the plain we have already experienced. Sloping away to the right is the terrain we are about to explore.
The two don’t look too terribly different, but from one very important aspect they are: Fertility. Once you reach the age when you are no longer able or interested in having sex ever turn into babies, everything relationshippy changes.
Forgetting what we already know isn’t possible, but recasting it for an altered circumstance will likely be valuable, don’t you think?