The Art of Connection

Men are well on the way to pricing themselves out of the game. By price I mean the price women pay to have our company, which appears to this observer to be much too high.

I have, in the past, been told and been vaguely aware of the way men conduct themselves on dates. The complaint – more wistful than bitchy – is that guys in the company of women provide a CV rather than conversation. Recitation of facts about ourselves and our opinions is what we think passes for polite and warm discourse.

Painful as it is to include myself in this group of dopes, it must be done. We men need constant reminders that if we’re to be successful at finding someone with whom we can make a life, we need to ask more questions than we answer, and listen more than we talk.

Naturally, males are all about impressing women. If we cannot do so by killing game for food, or fighting against aggressive neighbours, what can we do? In the modern world, our achievements and aspirations replace conquests and dreams, and so that’s what we talk about.

What we don’t realize is that women are actually communicating, or attempting to do so, while we rattle off how manly we are. They’d much rather talk in their mode, which is about feelings, reinforcing shared ideals and figuring out common territory. It’s so much more détente than dissertation.