Funny what we can learn from talking about couplehood.
On the weekend I was chatting with a friend, figuring the merits of online dating, how profiles work, what the probability of a genuine reciprocal relationship really is from an online Sears catalogue – the usual stuff. I was mulling over what it is we’re really trying to do here, over and above the flim-flam of ‘soulmates’ and LAFS*.
Fit might be the answer. We’re looking for another person who will be a kind of snug anti-us, like the master of a brick mould. Or a coffee-mug template. Or even a car-door stamping machine. We’re looking for the one individual who can spoon our personality with little or no gap. When we dip, we want them to…whatever the opposite of that is. When we’re proud (in the engineering sense) we’d like them to retreat. We want a personal candy wrapper.
Implicit from that starting point is that we don’t actually want to change. The prospect must be the one who fits us, in as many levels and as accurately as possible; humour, sex, finance, spirituality, driving style, they should all be not just compatible, but what we’re expecting. What we want.
Sounds like a tall order to me.
*Love At First Sight