Or, more likely, just the way I am.
I’m increasingly opening my eyes to an epidemic of bad dating practice, which is the expectation that a prospective spouse must accept me precisely the way I am. In other words, I’ll make no concession to the other person, no modification, no accommodation, make not one thought different from the way I currently behave.
Implied in this outlook (possibly unthinkingly, but still…) is that when future change occurs, I’ll expect you to adore/respect/accept that as well. No questions, no discussion, no melding of minds, nothing.
The blindness to human nature that this stance manifests is breathtaking, and yet I hear it more and more. Finding the right person is about finding that person for whom you want to change for the better. The starting point for connection is understanding that we need a blueprint of character, but much of our day-to-day behaviour can and will change day-to-day. That applies equally to the other person, and so expecting them to modify their thinking and actions without you doing the same is preposterous.
If you want to be alone and rejected, looking and not finding, remain rigid. People will accept you the way you are, but not into their heart.