Third Age of Coupling

DedicationSelflessness is underrated in a world chock-full of lesser qualities.

If there’s a more important way of approaching life for the twenty years required to (hopefully) raise a successful next generation, I don’t know what that is. Along the way here we have found ourselves adrift on a sea of self-actualization, with commensurate values.

It’s easy to forget how small is our window for molding our offspring’s ways of thinking, their responses and their values. What they see they will do. DNA is fixed at the moment of conception; we have more breathing room to develop attitudes, but not much.

Finding someone who shares this idea might be the most difficult treasure hunt most people undertake. Good luck, Brad.

The Dance.

The Dance has remained static for a while. Quite a while, actually.

Men pursue, women choose.

Because women have eclipsed men their superiority has created a tension between formerly accepted dance moves and the new reality.

What to do when you are a woman accustomed to being out front socially and at work, but unaccustomed to taking the romantic lead?

What are the new steps for men previously used to being on top?

Is there some way to keep the dance the same with the new power gradient?

Energy Grid

Under the heading of “None of us is born with any understanding of what makes good or bad relationships” comes this idea.

Of the many characteristics to look for in a potential coupling-mate, a matching energy level – quantitative and qualitative – is high on the list.

By the simple act of even looking for such a thing, we increase our chances of finding a right person.

Choose. Carefully.

There is no unhappiness like the despair of choosing the wrong person.

This kind of gut-emptying unhappiness grows like bacteria in a petri dish set on a hospital window-ledge – everything we touch aligns to force the fact of our poor decision squarely in our face. It’s brutal. There’s no escaping the self-recrimination, and every other kind of recrimination too.

Why did we find that person worthy of our energy? Why did we overlook the glaring shortcomings? What the HECK was I doing ignoring all the telltale signs of incompatibility? Why did I donate my heart only to be reward with heartache?

Fear not, you aren’t the first. (Like that’s any kind of salve.) Be comforted by this; that you aren’t the relationship pro you thought you were, and amateurs always make mistakes. Beginners’ luck is fun, but nothing beats acquiring a few skills and some knowledge.