I wonder how long it takes to get to know another person.

Do we ever really discover the core of someone, and if so, can we cast light on all of the heavy metals and weird compounds we find there?

On the working assumption that the best we can do is…I don’t know, 90%?…what’s the minimum we need to make sure that this is the person for us?

What’s the goal for each stage of dating and coupling, if such a thing even makes sense?

Fair Hearing

Eavesdropping on conversations is unavoidable. If people choose to talk at a volume and distance from me that makes this so, then so be it…I’m in.

I listen for a specific kind of exchange, one that engages my natural snoop – the way people who are either dating or coupled talk to each other. My natural inclination is to put a lot of store in the subtleties of verbal communication because it is a short-cut to the attitudes of those involved.

Style is my weakness. Tone, emphasis and body language are fascinating to me because they’re at least as important as the spoken words. You know the thing:

Yeah, I think you’re doing the right thing.

Oh, yeah, that’s the right thing to do.

Are two opposite messages. Couples often have their own mode of communicating, from which I learn how good couples work and how the others do it.


Much is made in the startup world about one’s elevator speech. That’s the 30 second recitation of  why someone should either invest in you, your business or even buy the product or service you provide. It’s the entrepreneurs version of the politician’s stump speech, albeit shorter and with many fewer lies.

Mentors and experienced investors tell the business owner that this verbal summary is the way to richer people’s hearts and checkbooks; like it’s some kind of witchcrafty incantation that loosens wallets.

Dating mentors and coaches sometimes tell folks that they need an elevator speech for their dating ventures.

Interesting, the idea of a memorized sales pitch to sell ourselves to strangers.