Trial and error is an awful way to learn anything. And yet here we are, tens of thousands of years later, still using it as our prime method of understanding others. Coupling intelligently is almost an oxymoron. What most of us do is apply the piñata technique: swing and hope.
Like the butterfly emerging into the world, we begin as pristine virgin daters, looking for a mate. Soon the knocks, knock-backs and back-seat knock-ups begin. Every non-stellar interaction with possible (or even actual) romantic interests creates a wee ding in our ego, and maybe even some scar tissue.
For many of us, the early dealings with our own emotions and those of the ones we desire are confusing, hurtful and unsatisfactory. Rare is the person of teenage or twenties able to navigate multiple budding and then failed attachments with grace and intelligence. This stuff is just too close to our egos.
And as I have been writing for years now, no-one tells you about this stuff. The wisdom of those who have experienced all this and been able to synthesize transferable knowledge is ignored or just not heard. Actually, there are people out there who can tell us – we just don’t listen.
All of which can leave us hurt, disillusioned, sad and without the impetus to go on. Worse yet is when we fail to learn from those hard knocks and keep making the mistakes. Unfortunately, we butterflies come fully equipped with software that keeps telling us that either “this time will be different” or “listen to your heart, it won’t do you wrong”.