In agriculture and forestry, we seem to think that the most efficient way to harvest goodies from the earth is with intensive cropping. You know the kind of thing, hectares of corn, square miles of wheat, mountain ranges of conifers. These are the monocultures so beloved of the accountants in agribusiness and despised by more earthy types.

The sensible way is to combine a little of the free-range with the mono-. Without enormous fields of grain we wouldn’t be able to feed ourselves as cheaply as we do. But some interruption of an orange grove with avocados or blueberries might prevent the greening disease that’s wiping out citrus businesses all over Florida.

Dating someone is kind of the same. Success in making a relationship with someone does not depend on them being with you or you thinking of them 24/7. Anyone who obsesses over their love life all the time should be avoided.

Right? We don’t want our entire life consumed by a monolithic thing called “us”.

Interesting, balanced, calm people with perspective know that life’s full of delights and fascinations that also include someone with whom they want to couple. We’re human. Our attention naturally skips. The trick is prioritizing our focus to stay in synch with our partners.

Finding the balanced person who knows (mostly) when to focus on the “us” seems a way smarter goal than falling in love or discovering a soulmate. YMMV.

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