My Man

There are few sweeter words a man can hear than He’s my man.

A woman declaring her…well, what exactly is she declaring? She is not making an ownership claim, although there is a shading of that. Fidelity.

For sure she implies there’s only one, and one above all others. Singularity.

And there is a subtext of the corollary statement, which isĀ …and I’m his woman. Reciprocity.

For clarity and brevity this statement – He’s my man – is a champion. Proclaiming her status to the world like that removes any doubt about her allegiance. And not just to everyone else. She’s telling him she’s with him. End of story.

Fidelity. Singularity. Reciprocity. Not a bad trio for successful coupling.

Psychology. What?

Psychology is endlessly interesting.

I do wonder sometimes if there is a point to all this examination, or if the idea of stirring the stew and tasting it is enough.

Perhaps it works out like this: We examine the thinking of others as an oblique way of figuring out what we are thinking and why. But it’s not that easy, because our own motives and emotions are so often masked by all kinds of externalities (note my masking). We accommodate others, what we think others think about us, peers, family, media, the cat and whomever is on the end of the phone.

Busting through all that eggshell isn’t easy, although it’s easy for others.

So. What are you really thinking?

Best Intentions

Just as motive cannot be easily determined in a courtroom, discovering the intent of your fellow dater puts us squarely in a poorly defined area.

Daters do so for every conceivable reason. I just read an article about how dating websites like for you to be on a “dating treadmill”. Are we surprised? If every single person instantly found the right person, they’d all be out of business. In that way Match, Tinder and the rest are actually about you NOT finding a credible partner. Ah, sweet irony.

The success of online dating sites tells us that a lot of folks are on that treadmill. Dating will be a destination of itself to them, in that it’s a dead-end street. Can we agree that dating should ideally be about actually finding someone with the intent to couple?

Moving past the serial daters should be relatively easy. We then find the serial daters who are in it for just the sex. After that are the non-committers, those who just play at dating and then those who date whilst obligated elsewhere – cheaters, in plain language. All of these folks have intent that varies wildly from our own, and which should lead to immediate dismissal.

Saying “NO” to all these pretenders should be easy, not to say speedy.

Which then pretty much just leaves you, me, and a handful of others as the only well-intentioned daters out there. Wow. It can’t be that bad, can it?

Third Time Lucky

A couple of co-workers were muttering yesterday. The gist of their joint agreement was finding the right person to marry is a tricky process.

Third time’s a charm for me. I finally got it right.

Which sounds to me like a tale of heartache, disappointment, sadness and chaos.

Is trial and error really the best way?