I don’t want you to manage me, she said.

What do you mean by manage?

Well, I feel that you avoid talking about some things with me. You filter stuff.


She was right. I did manage her. Because the price to pay for conflict was too high.


I have a model of the world in my head that differs from yours. My understanding of how people should ideally interact will vary from yours as well. Differences between our viewpoints can be resolved, examined, disputed, discussed, fought over or avoided. Another, frequent choice between couples is a kind of siege, where both retreat into a heavily defended core position, only to engage when provoked.

For best results, I want to find someone with whom I can have happy détente. Every day. About anything. And go to sleep knowing them a little better.

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