Do you like routine? Or are you someone who prefers some chaos? Does the prospect of knowing what’s coming give you comfort? Or is the excitement of the unknown worth the possible danger?

I am a routine person, but with a caveat: I like chaotic elements in the way people think. By chaos I don’t mean disjointed and unrelated craziness…although there is a time for that too. Chaos to me means introducing something new, something different, casting an eye onto an unexplored idea.

Finding the person with whom we want to couple might be easier if we understand how we think about routine versus chaos. Imagine if we ditched the trivial measures we use to judge potential dating talent – take a look at any dating website to see what I mean – and instead began asking a few questions like this:

Are you interested in doing stuff at the last minute? > If not all the time, then if we set aside a period for spontaneity, would it be better for you?

Does novelty in everyday life provide you stress or motivation?

Do you keep a calendar meticulously,  a year in advance? (I once dated a woman who had her hair appointments mapped out for 18 months. That’s impressive but frightening.)

Is the idea of change enervating or challenging?

Asking people (prospective dates, dates) this kind of question directly will put them off. Experience (ahem) teaches us these lessons. However, asking them of yourself to begin with might help you find a way to ask others, even if indirectly.

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