Field of Embarrassment

My dating history is an embarrassment of riches in the gaffe dept. A selection:

There was the time I repeatedly called a date by the wrong name. For two hours. (That didn’t last.)

I ran a bath in one girlfriend’s apartment one night that I forgot to turn off. Her place and the one below flooded.

A (as it turned out) highly-paid lawyer got the benefit of my Dummies-informed legal mind on a first date. She had sympathy for a while, but the damage was done.

And there was the unforgettable triumph of me ordering foie grasĀ  – for the first time mind – to find that I couldn’t stomach it. So much for sophistication. She laughed out loud at me.

The lessons are clear: order food you know and like, watch a running tub, write down and practice saying your date’s name, and for heaven’s sake, be yourself.

Close To You

Can words be sex specific?

By that I mean are there examples of words used more by women than men, and vice versa?

Take two related concepts: closeness and intimacy.

They’re female, right? They speak of a frame of mind that is, generally, not male. Males understand the concept; that’s not the point. The question is one of priority.

Of such subtleties is understanding obtained.

Lava Lamp

Fear of the unknown knows no fear like that men feel about female reproduction. Lady parts and their associated…temperament modifications are like the de-militarized zone between North and South Korea. In both cases there is a line beyond which both parties dare not step, and yet the fascination with what might happen if someone does persists.

My analysis is that guys don’t like exploring the egg and its nest phenomenon because it’s hidden. An element of magic, something beyond the corporeal creates a mystique about the internals therein. We don’t like messing with unpredictable stuff like that.

Men, I propose a different attitude. Ask questions. Seek information. Be upfront. Say things like:

Hortense, I hear that you become much hornier when you are ovulating; True or False?


Can you really tell when your eggs are fertilized?

or even

Gosh, how does it feel after your period?

Women love this kind of enquiry, because it offers a chance to tell you how they feel. Always a slightly amorphous ingredient, an open discussion about her bod can lead somewhere. Somewhere…interesting.

Why Am I Single?: Podcast #24

You probably aren’t as single as you might think. The old definition of single as “not married” is too broad, too vague, too binary and too shallow for my liking. In any case, being romantically uncoupled allows for some introspection as to why.