Romance This

Swept off her feet

The standard way to begin a post about romance is to quote a dictionary definition or some authority on the subject. That’s fine but pointless. It’s pointless because only one half of the population has any kind of grasp on romance, and that’s the half with a vagina. For those of us not so equipped, we can most charitably be described as delayed development romantics. Romantic retards, really.

Romance, to males, is that way of acting that creates a positive disposition towards us in the female we desire. The level of positive disposition will vary, naturally, from mild interest to unfettered lust. We hope for the latter, but accept the former. Whatever reaction we engender, it’s all an amorphous universe of trial and error with no clear rules and even murkier techniques.

Which leads me to an attempt to describe just how much of a mystery romance is to guys. We know there is such a thing as romantic behavior, which we think involves roses and candles. Somewhere in the mix is the notion of sweeping women off their feet, however one accomplishes that. Maybe romance is like an English period novel, full of meaningful glances. Perhaps we should aim for an Audrey Hepburn film-like experience on, for instance, a Vespa through Rome. By chance might it be all be about break-ups and reconciliations?

Arggh. It’s all so difficult, so tricky to pin down.

Here’s a thought: Guys, ask the question. As (at least) a dating conversation-starter, subtly inquire of your lady friend how she defines romance. Take careful note of the answer, and file it away for later. Let me know how that works.