Ah, rejection, the coupling world’s (most?) feared dating outcome. Rightly so, in my opinion, because when someone else discerns that I am not up to the job of co-coupler, there’s no message gap: I am unworthy, unlikely ever to find lerv. Sob.


But my reaction to rejection is determined by me, not the rejector. We all know that rejection is integral to life. The people we choose not to be with infinitely outnumber those we do, so the sooner we find some way to accommodate this, the better off we’ll all be.

Organ transplant recipients need drugs to prevent their bodies rejecting the foreigner within. In a sense, taking someone into your life requires the same kind of treatment, the difference being that instead of drugs we find intellectual and cultural ways around our differences. The fewer the sticking points – or the easier they are to bridge – the less likely is rejection.

What I’m trying to say is that rejection (or its absence) is good in two ways. Rejection gives us information that I am definitely not a match; non-rejection tells me that the other person doesn’t have to use big behavioral changes (drugs) to keep me around. That’s all worthwhile knowledge.

In our mind’s eye, the ideal coupler is someone with whom we can share time happily without modifying anything about ourselves. That’s a foolish notion, but we’re kinda sorta on the right path here…a good fit is just that – someone who has the right coupling DNA for our own.

So reject away. But be careful to know that we reject everyone in some way.

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